Free Your Anxiety with EMDR and IFS
This is a sample exercise that I may do with a client around anxiety. It incorporates EMDR through bilateral stimulation (taps or tones that help the brain process and keep the client grounded in the present while not getting stuck on a particular experience) and Internal Family Systems (a therapy that helps you identify and work with the family system that exists within your own mind (think of a professional, robust version of the movie Inside Out)).
In the parts of the exercise where I may use bilateral stimulation in session I marked it with (BLS).
I want you to notice your anxiety…
How does it show up for you?
What does it feel like in the body?
What are the thoughts that show up around it? (some examples below)
“It’s not ok to be myself.”
“It’s not ok for me to really have needs.”
“I can’t share what I’m really feeling about something.”
“I’m damaged.”
“If they really knew me they’d reject me.”
Allow an image to form in your mind that represents this anxiety. Notice what starts to show up. What does it look like?
To take this a few steps further, I want you to begin to dialogue with the anxiety. Here we don’t want to just talk about the anxiety, but to talk to it. Ever been in a room where someone was talking about you but never actually acknowledging you and talking to you? Not a very fun experience!
Maybe imagine sitting down with it over a cup of coffee or tea on a quiet morning, phones and other distractions aside.
Space for each of you to really get to know each other. You’ve spent a lot of time with each other but you may have never really sat down and taken the time to listen to each other. The more anxiety feels pushed aside and dismissed the more often it’s going to show up with a vengeance.
Now I want you to see if you can validate it as a protector. Anxiety is there for a reason, it didn’t just show up out of nowhere (even though it may feel this way. Our mind was not present at the time it really showed up so we can’t necessarily ask the mind, we need to work on a different level with the body and emotions).
See if you can validate how it has protected you for a long time. Anxiety often has a protective quality in that it can keep us from experiencing emotions that are really intense and difficult to hold. We may not like how it shows up today, but it does serve a function or else it wouldn’t be there.
Anxiety did have your interest in mind to protect you when you were younger and more vulnerable – times when it was way too much to be able to feel what was happening.
(We usually do the opposite and get frustrated and angry with the anxiety which continues the downward spiral).
If you can, see if you can try to extend some appreciation for how it may have protected you and still does.
See if you can notice that appreciation. (BLS)
What does that appreciation feel like right now in the body? (BLS)
Really settle into that appreciation and then extend that appreciation to that anxiety for how it protected you. (BLS)
Now that we have given it some validation and appreciation…
See if you can ask it to take a few steps over to the side for a minute or two. If it has really been heard and understood and not judged, it may be more willing to take a few steps over.
It may have been there so long that it feels like it is fully you.
But what if it wasn’t?
What if it was just a part of you?
With anxiety a few steps over,
Imagine who you are without anxiety.
Who is the real you?
Can you imagine your spontaneity and playfulness when you don’t have to perform for others? (BLS)
Can you imagine having feelings about something and not dismissing them or judging them for being a little too intense?
Imagine that it is ok that you have needs – needs to be cared for regardless of what you do – can you imaging being loved regardless of achievements or functions you provide to others? (BLS)
Notice what it feels like to give yourself some space to feel and imagine this authentic, centered part of you. (BLS)
Notice any images or spaces associated with this. Maybe a large, open field. Deeply blue skies encapsulating your surroundings. Room for you to run and play without having to look for danger or wonder who’s watching. (BLS)
Or maybe you can imagine a large table where all your parts can show up, where everyone is welcome and accepted.
Notice who is there. Who shows up? (BLS)
Take a look around the table and notice if there are any parts that have anything they need to say. (BLS)
Maybe notice that there is also a part of you that can simply witness all of these parts. A part that is not fully all of them but can enjoy each one of them as they are. A centered, peaceful place of wisdom and presence and energy in the midst of everything (Internal Family Systems calls this the Self or self-energy. Other spiritual traditions may describe this as God or Spirit or a form of prayer or the “in-between” space, or mindful presence).
{{ Bring all of your parts to the table…mindfully observing them from a curious and compassionate center }}
Notice that.
How do you feel towards these different parts?
Notice what you feel if all parts are welcome. (BLS)
Imagine postures of acceptance, curiosity, compassion, interest being extended out. (BLS)
Can you notice what compassion feels like in the body? The mind thinks it knows but is just have a thought about it. Allow yourself to see what the body says about compassion. Does it know what compassion feels like? (BLS)
Notice what parts these postures naturally move towards. Notice what parts are in need. (BLS)
See if a particular part in need has something to say. Or maybe it just wants you to sit next to it or wrap your arms around it and give it a big hug. Maybe it just needs physical presence.
Just notice whatever shows up in your mind’s eye. (BLS)
If one part starts to dominate – maybe it is all you can see (example would be the anxiety which doesn’t seem to go away) – maybe this part really has something more to say and needs to show up and get more compassion and validation for how long it has been a protector for you.
There may be grief underneath for how long it has been there or how scary things were at times growing up. There are probably a lot of beliefs around this anxiety that are not even in conscious awareness because they are very painful to look at. Here is an example where getting that next level of resource or help from a therapist may be beneficial.
Again, this is an example of an exercise I may do in session that can open up the world inside. Instead of fighting and reacting to the symptoms we experience (in this case anxiety), we get to acknowledge, validate and understand them. My hope is for you to experience this powerful shift so you can live a life of fullness and freedom!
The next steps if you want to learn more: call 816-775-2448 or email michael.hyder@gmail.com to schedule a session or get a free consult over the phone.