01: Attachment Basics & Relationship Insecurity
In my years as a therapist, as a mom, daughter, wife, friend, supervisor, I have seen attachment insecurity act as a kind of tumultuous underworld for an otherwise functional, normal person. When that underworld breaches the surface, we have a breakdown, we react irrationally, we act in opposition to our actual desires. And we dismiss those moments as humorous or hormonal, or overwhelm, and move on.
Attachment work is 1) recognizing that there is an underworld that may be unconsciously motivating unhelpful behaviors or reactions, and 2) that that underworld is rooted in childhood or early childhood experiences, then 3) seeking to understand, rather than dismiss that underworld, so that 4) we can then use the data we learn to establish more secure attachments in the future.
“Attachment is this: I bond to you for a purpose, and that purpose is safety and what creates safety is me knowing that you will meet my needs.”