Men Talking About Real Stuff
I love facilitating a space for men to share what’s going on with them.
A space where we talk about real stuff.
When was the last time you talked about real stuff that’s going on with you?
What you feel about life
What you feel about being a man
What life was like growing up
What you hope for in the future
If we do not talk about these things and engage ourselves in these ways…
We will be playing out smaller stories. Modes of anesthetizing the heart.
These smaller stories almost inevitably involve compulsive, addictive processes.
Work, porn, alcohol (any substance), food
Checking out from family
Subtle numbing of your heart
Mindlessly moving through life as a series of tasks
Impulsive spending
How much easier is it to have another drink than to take responsibility for the way we spoke to our wife, or take the disciplined steps to get out of debt, or begin to address our unhappiness, or be vulnerable with other men.
We need spaces where we address the heart – what’s really going on – how do we really feel?
When we feel insecure
When we feel like a man
What we fear most
How we’ve been harmed or wounded in the past – our stories of rejection, isolation, disappointment
If we are not talking about these stories, they are going to be playing out in us (negative emotions suppressed, causing harm to our bodies), playing out in our relationships (withdrawal, isolation, bad vibes, tension in the home), and in addictive patterns.
Counseling – a place to tell the real stuff.
I typically use a certain protocol to help this story telling, called EMDR – which is a kind of trauma therapy that uses memory, emotion, cognition, awareness of the body, to allow stories to be told in ways that promote healing and the release of negative energies and more adaptive, enlivened functioning.
The more serious the wound, the more structure you will want in talking about these deeper issues. EMDR provides that structure.